
^RKEY 6 COMIC 
DRAMA 



The Serenade Party j 




jTHE DRAMATIC PUBLISHING COMPANY, 



THE SERENADE PARTY 



OR 



THE MISER'S TROUBLES 



B JBlacfe Sfeetcb in ©ne Hct 



FRANK ftlJMONT 



A 



AUTHOR OF "FALSE COLORS," "TWO LITTLE VAGRANTS," "THE 
LADY BARBER," ETC. 




TWO COPIES RECEIVED 



CHICAGO 
THE DRAMATIC PUBLISHING COMPANY 



CAST OF CHARACTERS. 

Hiram Staggers— A miser E. N. Slocum. 

Jacob Touchbrain— His servant Hughey Dougherty. 

George Wilkins WiU Walling. 

Jenny Staggers Fred Dart. 

Serenaders, Guests, etc. 

Plays twenty minutes. 



Copyright, 1897, by the Dramatic Publishing Company, Chicago. 

Notice. — The professional acting rights of this play are reserved by 
the publishers, from whom written permission must be obtained before 
performance. All persons giving unauthorized productions will be 
prosecuted to the full extent of the law. This notice does not apply to 
amateurs, who may perform the play without permission. 

PROPERTIES. 

Chairs. Table. Tray. Apples. Glasses of lemonade. Slices of 
bread. Bunch of onions. Saucers of flour and spoons. Hoops and 
dress for George. Club for Jacob. Curtains. Screen. Small split 
stick for Jacob to strike guests' hands. 




'THE SERENADE PARTY." 



SCENE. — Chamber j door in c. Window R. with curtains. 
Table, chairs, screen L. Enter Staggers, L. I E.] 

Stag. This settles it, I must do what I thought of doing. I 
will lock Jenny in this room. I am troubled to death by that 
lover of hers. I have thrown him from the balcony and scalded 
him with hot water, but still that has no effect. [Calls.] Jacob ! 
Jacob ! Jacob ! 

Jacob. [Enters c] Yes, sir. Did you call me ? 

Stag. Yes, Jacob, I'm going to lock Jenny in this room and 
give the key to you. [Knock at door.] Jacob, there's a knock 
at the door. 

Jacob. Yes, I heard it plain 'as you did. 

Stag. Go see who it is ; and, Jacob, step light on the carpet 
going down so as not to wear it out. Go on. 

Jacob. Oh! He's the stingiest man that I ever saw. The 
old tool. [Exit C] 

Stag. Confound these servants, they eat so much and break 
my dishes and waste everything. They will reduce me to pov- 
erty if I don't soon get rid of some of them. [Noise outside.] 
More trouble I expect. [A dish is heard to break.] My ! oh, 
my ! there goes another dish. Oh, the rascals ! [Enter Jacob 
with letter, c] 

Jacob. Here's a letter for you. 

Stag. What was that broke just now ? 

Jacob. Oh, I threw a plate at a cat that was going to steal 
a bone out of the yard. I scared her ! 

Stag. Oh, you will drive me mad. [Reads letter.] " Friend 
Staggers, to-night at twelve we will give you a serenade and ex- 
pect to have a good time, Yours truly, Many Friends." I wish 
they were at the bottom of the sea. Coming to serenade me ! 
It is a plot to make me spend my money. They'll expect lunch 
and liquor. Jacob, I'm to have a serenade and I want you to 

5 



6 " THE SERENADE PARTY. 

help me out. Follow me to the kitchen. Come ! Oh, what an 
unfortunate man I am. [Exit L. I E.] 

Jacob. What an old miser he is to be sure. [Staggers calls 
" Jacob ! Jacob ! " Exits l. i e. Enter Jenny, D. c, looking 
cautiously.] 

Jenny. So my old uncle was going to lock me up in this 

. room ? But as luck would have it this serenade has upset all 

his plans. [Taps.] Ah ! some one is tapping at the window. 

[Goes to window.'] George, is it you? [Enter George 

through window.] 

George. Where's the old man ? 

Jenny. He has just stepped down into the kitchen. I'm 
afraid he'll come back and catch you here. 

George. Oh, no L Don't be afraid. I'm too smart for him. 
Here's a bouquet I brought for you. [Takes bunch of onions from 
pocket.] Why! I declare I put a bouquet in that pocket. Some 
one has been playing a trick on me. [Throws onions on floor. \ 

Jenny. Never mind, George, I feel just as happy as if I had 
your present. [Noise.] Oh, dear ! The old man is coming ! 
Quick ! Hide ! 

George. I can't get out of the window, so I'll hide behind the 
curtains. [Hides behind curtains. Jenny pretends to arrange 
furniture. Enter L. I E. Jacob. He stares at her.\ 

Jacob. Ah ! that won't save you from being locked up in 
this room. I'll tell your uncle you put a pin in my chair the 
other day. I wonder is it raining ? [Goes to window j looks out. 
George knocks his hat out of window^ Hello ! there goes my 
hat. Did you knock my hat off? 

Jenny. Why, I have not been near you. 

Jacob. You go right out of here, or I'll call your uncle. 
[Exit Jenny, L. i e. As Jacob goes to turn from window 
George trips him up. Jacob falls.] I wonder if I took too 
much of the old man's cider to day ? [Sees onions.] Ah ! ha ! 
there's some onions. Now the old man never gives me onions. 
He says they are too expensive. I'll have a nice meal. [Takes 
bread out of pocket, brings table near window and eats. George 
takes bread and throws it out of window. Jacob looks around 
for it.] I could swear I put that bread there. Well, I must eat 
these onions. [Eats onions.] Ah, that's strengthening. [Enter 
Staggers l. i e.] 

Staggers. Ah, you rascal ! eating again, are you ? Where 
did you get these onions ? [Jacob blows in his face, Staggers 
starts back.] Phew ! how bad they smell. Don't come near 
me — you smell too strong of onions. Now, Jacob, I want to tell 



" THE SERENADE PARTY." 7 

you this. [Leans on table.] I expect the serenade at twelve 
o'clock ! [George pushes table. Staggers falls, gets up and 
hits Jacob.] 

Jacob. What did you strike me for ? 

Stag. I'll teach you to play tricks on me. [Jacob leans on 
table.] Now I want you to understand one thing ! [George 
pulls table and runs out D. c. Jacob falls, gets up, and hits 
Staggers.] ♦ 

Jacob. I don't allow any one to fool with me that way. 

Stag. Now listen to me, Jacob. You will have some 
lemonade and some cakes and apples and some ice-cream, and 
above all I want you to be very saving. Don't go around more 
than once with any lunch, and don't press any one to have any. 
Merely offer them some— but don't press them. Be very saving, 
Jacob. Don't put any sugar in the lemonade. 

Jacob. Well, what will I put in it ? 

Stag. Put molasses in it. It's cheaper. Go and get three 
cents worth of apples and eight cents worth of ice-cream. Oh, 
these parties will ruin me ! reduce me to poverty ! [Gives 
money.'] And, Jacob, don't knock down any change. 

Jacob. No, there ain't much of a chance to knock down on 
you. 

Stag. Put on a pair of gloves to wait on the company. Now 
get the tray and I'll show you how to go around. [Jacob gets 
tray.] Now you sit clown over there. [Jacob sits R.] Now 
you are a lady. 

Jacob. Where's my hoops ? 

Stag. Now watch me. {Enters with tray and glass.] 
Have some lemonade, 'miss ? [Jacob goes to grab tumbler. 
Staggers walks off.] Now see that. Now you do it. [Stag- 
gers sits down.] 

Jacob. Now look out for me. [Comie bus. with tray ; goes 
to Staggers.] Say, old Blower, have some wine ? [Staggers 
goes to take glass, Jacob walks off.] How is that ? Ain't that 
on the save ? 

Stag. That will do first-rate. Now don't forget save all you 
can. I wonder where Jenny can be ? {Noise j music and drums 
heard outside.] There is the serenade. [Runs to window fol- 
lowed by Jacob. Enter Jenny l. i e. All look out of window. 
Jacob pulls Staggers away, and Staggers pulls Jacob away.] 
Go to the door and let them in. {Exit Jacob, C. D.] Now, 
Jenny, you see how I am honored. This is your last appearance 
in society. To-morrow I send you to boarding-school. [Enter 
serenaders and ladies, Gteorge disguised in woman's dress.] 



8 " THE SERENADE PARTY." 

Stag. Ah ! welcome, friends— welcome ! 

Jacob. Yes, make yourselves miserable. [Gets chairs j 
places one for George to sit, and pulls it away. George falls. 
All go to pick him up.] Why,, something has dropped. 

Stag. That stupid rascal will spoil all. Jacob, get some re- 
freshments for the ladies. [Exit Jacob. Staggers sits beside 
George.] My dear widow Blinks, I'm so happy to meet you. 

George. [Disguised.'] Oh, don't mention it, Mr. Staggers. 
[Enter Jacob with tray, glasses of lemonade, goes around to 
guests, but snatches tray fro?n them as they reach out to take 
glasses.] 

Jacob. Have some lemonade ! ! [Staggers goes to take 
glass, Jacob kicks Staggers, who falls. Jacob exits r. i e. All 
the guests gather about Staggers for an explanation.] 

Stag. [Rising.] My dear friends, I can't account for it. 
Jacob ! Jacob ! ! Jacob ! ! ! [Enter Jacob R.] How dare you 
insult these ladies and gentlemen, sir ? Apologise to them ! 

Jacob. You told me to be on the save. 

Stag. [Aside.] Hush! Now, Jacob, get the cakes and be 
quick. Ah ! I gave him a lecture. 

Jacob. I guess that old man is going crazy. [Exit R. 
Staggers sits by George, making love to the supposed widow.] 

Stag. Ah ! here we have the cakes, let me help you to some. 
[Enter Jacob R. with tray and slices of bread / he lets each one 
take a piece.] 

Stag. Jacob, have you forgotten what I said ? Oh, you vil- 
lain, you'll ruin me. [Jacob runs out R. and re-enters with 
a basket. He then runs to every one, snatches the bread from 
them, throws it into the basket and runs out. Ladies scream. 
All gather around Staggers for an explanation.] 

Stag. Dear friends, allow me to apologise. He is my new 
servant and is very green and stupid. Jacob ! Jacob ! [Enter 
Jacob.] Jacob, don't be so quick and impulsive. 

Jacob. Well, I want to save as much as I can. 

Stag. [Aloud.] Jacob, bring in the ice-cream. 

Jacob. Yes, sir. [Exit. Staggers -sits down again and 
puts his arm around George. Enter Jacob with tray and 
saucers filled with four; he allows each one to take a plate.] 

Stag. Now, friends, enjoy yourselves. [They eat but spit out 
flour.] Why, what ails the ice-cream ? 

Al!. Why, this is flour ! 

Stag. You rascal, have you been fooling us ? 

Jacob. Why, you are all fools, and don't know good ice- 
cream when you eat it. [They all come up and blow a mouth- 



41 THE SERENADE PARTY. 9 

ful of flour into Jacob's face. As George comes up Jacob 
catches his dress, which co?nes off, discovering hoops. All 
scream. George runs behind screen.~\ 

Stag. Oh, you scoundrel ! You'll pay for all this ! Bring 
in the apples, quick, or I'll discharge you. 

Jacob- Ain't you going to do something ? You make me do 
all the work ! f Exits.] 

Stag. Oh, I never saw such a blockhead. [George behind 
screen hangs hat on screen and whispers to Jenny, who sits 
close to it.] Oh, he'll drive me to a lunatic asylum. But where 
is widow Blinks ? [Enter Jacob with tray and apples t short 
stick in hand. As each one goes to take an apple, he hits them 
on the knuckles with stick. General confusion. All chase 
out after him C. D. All exit save Jenny.] 

Jenny. I hope my dear George is safe. [Enter (xeovgefro7n 
behind screen.] 

George. Yes, safe ; and now the coast is clear, let us elope ! 
[Noise heard off 'R. 1 E. Jacob runs on R. 1 E., and stands be- 
hind tormentor R. and puts out his foot, tripping everybody 
who is pur siting hi?n. They all stagger and fall c. Old Stag- 
gers rushes on and is tripped up by Jacob also. Jacob then 
gets a club from R., and beats the struggling heaf of characters 
who lie squirming c. George and Jenny at back at C. D. 
ready to elope. The flats try to close in, but the struggling heap 
is directly in the way. Scene shifters push their half of the 
flat against the yelling, struggling mass on the floor. The 
whole affair seems like a huge mistake. Jacob still clubbing 
them, and shouting, " Get out of the way," etc. 

CURTAIN. 



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